John & Pat once again didn’t prepare a topic, but if you’re in the market for Girl Scout cookies trivia, this is the episode for you!

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John and Pat ring in the new year by talking about the exact same dumb subjects they’ve discussed every other year. Their resolution is to never grow.

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John and Pat discuss vacations, what TV shows they’re watching and all the movies they haven’t seen. It’s like hanging out in an assisted living facility, but without the smell.

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If you’ve ever watched a monkey try to do calculus, you know what you’re in for: John & Pat, with no improv background between them, play improv games. Aren’t you tired of professionals like Paul F. Tompkins and Jason Mantzoukas giving you polished, reliably entertaining comedy? Of course you are. Welcome to the future.

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The end of the Reagan years vs. the end (hopefully?) of the Trump years: who made better art? Or, for that matter, better TV, movies and pop music? The answer will both delight and sicken you! Just like life.

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John & Pat tackle philosophy by discussing nothing to highlight the meaninglessness of existence. Or they were just to lazy to come up with an actual topic. Listen and decide for yourself.

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It’s that time of year again! John and Pat each pick their top 10 songs from the first half of the year. Note to listeners: your terrible band didn’t make the list.

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John & Pat disregard the expertise of the professionals and offer their own advice to the dum-dums who write in to weekly columnists – with sometimes shocking results! Mostly not, though.

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John & Pat once again prove they quickly run out of things to say when talking about music. Then again, this is free, so who are you to complain? Check your privilege, doofus.

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John & Pat have nothing to say, but that doesn’t stop them from saying it for an hour. Why are you even reading this? It’s as pointless as life itself.

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